Where Am I?

Why can’t I open my eyes? How come I am cold? If I am asleep, why am I dressed in a suit and tie? Then why don’t I have any shoes on? I am trying to open my eyes but it feels like they are sewn shut. Why are my eyes sewn shut? Wait, who’s that talking? Let me listen.
“He looks good doesn’t he?” 
“Not really, I don’t like his color.”
“Think anyone will miss him?”
“Maybe we will miss him today, but not tomorrow. We never really miss anyone, do we?”

I have never slept on my back with my hands across my chest. This is just stupid. Wait, what is that bright light? The brightest light I have ever seen, yet it doesn’t hurt my eyes. If my eyes are sewn shut, how is it I can see the light? Hey wait, why won’t they miss me? Why would they miss me if I am right here?

Wait a minute. I know what’s going on. I am dead. Crap, I told that fucking waiter the food tasted funny. That’s just great, I am dead and some asshole stole my shoes!


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